Couples Counseling For Parents
Couples Counseling For Parents
Navigating Holiday Stress: Presenting a United Front with Extended Family
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Master the art of navigating family dynamics during the holiday season and emerge with a stronger partnership. In this episode, we explore the pressures couples face when interacting with extended family, featuring the real-life example of Heidi and Renee. Their story sheds light on the challenges of holiday scheduling and differing family expectations, offering practical strategies to help couples present a united front and strengthen their bonds amidst festive chaos.
Reflecting on personal experiences, we dive into the complexities of early relationship dynamics. With anecdotes like being perceived as disengaged with a partner's family due to unexpected circumstances, we illustrate how seemingly minor incidents can set unintended tones for family interactions. By examining Heidi and Renee's decision to stay near Renee's family, we highlight the importance of open communication, addressing unspoken narratives, and understanding each partner's needs to foster healthier familial relationships.
Building on these insights, we emphasize the power of small, direct communications in mitigating family friction. Through Heidi and Renee's journey, we learn the importance of addressing underlying fears and presenting a united front as a couple. This episode serves as a guide for those feeling distant or overwhelmed, offering the first step towards a more fulfilling and connected partnership. Join us in this journey of partnerhood and discover how to reshape your relationship dynamics for a more harmonious holiday season.
Hello and welcome. This is Couples Counseling for Parents, a show about couple relationships, how they work, why they don't, what you can do to fix what's broken.
Speaker 2:Here are our parents our dad, dr Stephen Mitchell, and our mom Erin Mitchell.
Speaker 1:Hello and thanks for joining us today on Couples Counseling for Parents. I'm Dr Stephen Mitchell, I'm Erin Mitchell, and so we just had Thanksgiving and we're heading into December and the holidays and this means that there are going to be a lot of interactions with family for couples and this means that they're going to be interacting with their in-laws and their parents, maybe a little more than usual.
Speaker 2:Right, and even if you're not so, a lot of couples don't travel, a lot of couples aren't spending time, but either way, the conversations about extended family are coming up. Yes, they are. Even if they're absent, even if they're no longer around, it's happening. Extended family conversations are happening and they can be very disruptive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean these conversations, these interactions. They can be stressful and they can lead to conflict between partners, and we see this happen almost for every couple like we interact with, even if the relationships are like are, for the most part, positive.
Speaker 2:Well, that's right, because everyone has some sort of story around extended family, and it doesn't have to be a bad story, it doesn't have to be a negative story, it doesn't have to be a bad interaction, it just means we all have extended family stories. Again that impact this couple.
Speaker 1:Right and impact how partners talk to each other about one another's families and expectations that they have of how a partner should respond or should not respond, what they should say or not say.
Speaker 2:How you digress into this old version of yourself or how you become whatever. Right, there's a lot.
Speaker 1:There's a lot going on. Specifically focus on how you and your partner can go into the holiday season feeling like a team and how you can exit the holiday season feeling like a team, because I really do think that these can be conversations that help you and your partner feel closer.
Speaker 2:Agreed.
Speaker 1:More understood, more aligned and, like you're, supporting one another and on each other's side.
Speaker 1:So that's what we want for every couple that is listening to this for you to come out of this time feeling like you and your partner, we did it yeah we did it, we had a great holiday season, and so we're going to throw out some case examples in each episode see how you fit, see if it fits for you, and then try to give you some tips and tricks for working through these really important interactions. I mean family is really important. We hope that this will also help you strengthen your relationships with your family as well, and so we hope good things come from this. So our case example for today is we have Heidi and Renee, and they've been together for eight years and they have two kids, and Renee's family lives about 15 minutes from them and Heidi's family lives about two hours away, and for the most part, Heidi and Renee have strong relationships with their in-laws and they appreciate the time that they get to spend with one another's family. The kids also love the time that they get with grandparents, and they do get more time with Renee's family since they live closer to her family.
Speaker 1:Now, as the holidays near, renee is noticing that she is dreading planning with Heidi what their schedule looks like and how long they will be staying with her parents for the holidays and when they'll come back into town to see Renee's parents, and this conversation seems to always end up in a fight, which is exactly what happened. It started like this Heidi says hey, my parents called and were asking how long we were planning on staying with them after Christmas this year. They were hoping we wouldn't rush off right after Christmas Day and could stay a little bit longer. Renee says Heidi, we are not rushing right off. We never do. We are staying with them for one week and leaving on the 28th. Heidi, yeah, but they said, since my brother and his family are staying through the 30th, they really wish we could stay that long too. They just hate that we don't get as much time, that they don't get as much time with us as we get with your family, renee.
Speaker 1:Heidi, I don't get it. We have talked about this and I feel like we talk about it every year. We spend Christmas with your parents because we see my family more. We go for a week and then come here for New Year's. My whole family has shifted their holiday tradition so that we can see your family over Christmas. It has been this way for years and we have the same conversation every year and I feel like your parents are just trying to guilt us into staying with them.
Speaker 1:Do you even want to stay longer, heidi. Well, no, I want to spend New Year's with your family. I know the kids will too and I know you're right. But you know how mom and dad are. They just love the time together and always want more. Renee, yeah, we are giving them more. Why can't they be happy with what we're doing and how we are trying to plan around them? It feels so passive the way they call you and then get you to try and guilt me into staying longer. I wish you would stop playing into the whole holiday game that happens every year, heidi.
Speaker 2:Hey.
Speaker 1:I'm just relaying to you the conversation we had. I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. You're just so sensitive about any threat to your family time that you overreact. They just said they wish we could stay longer. They didn't say you had to and they just ask. They know you're going to say no, renee. Oh, I'm the one who's sounding sensitive. You're just upset that I criticized your perfect parents. Now you might imagine how the rest of this conversation went. But how does this happen? Renee and Heidi love each other and for the most part they enjoy one another's family, but they always get in this conversation. So what is going on here?
Speaker 2:Right, it's a big deal.
Speaker 1:So what is going on here? Right, it's a big deal, and I think one of the things we would say, like what is going on here is there is a history to this conflict.
Speaker 2:Every time, and for Renee and Heidi, of course. But every family, every extended family, every couple has a history with their extended family Right, always, and it can be beautiful. It doesn't have to be like this negative story because your parents are the worst.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:Or your family, or your uncle or your brother or your cousin, whatever, but there is a story and a lot of people don't spend the time to know the story because they lived it. Like, why would we need to think about that?
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that it's this idea that the history of the conflict. So, Renee and Heidi, this is a historical conflict for them. We have this every holiday season. We have this every time we and any time there's a history to a conflict. The reason it is important to understand the past, how it started, why it got to be that way, is because you will continue to repeat the same themes, the same patterns, the same conversation, the same feelings and the same outcome in your present moment If you do not understand what the history is. Because you need to understand the history so you can shift it, so you can have a different kind of conversation and the future can feel different. Right now, Renee and Heidi are stuck in the past, and so I think why does this happen? How does this happen? Well, it happens because there's a history to this conflict that neither Renee or Heidi have resolved.
Speaker 2:Right and not on purpose. Right, right, right. They have no Right and they not on purpose Right, right, right. They have no idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they have no idea. They just know that, man, I hate this every time it rolls around. I wish we could stop this.
Speaker 2:These things when we talk to couples about them. Even for ourselves it happened so early.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Most often this happened like in a micro interaction. The first handful of times I met my parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the first holiday, the first, you know, whatever it might be.
Speaker 2:The way that we hit, like the way that your mom entered my our engagement shower lunch, like things got weird and it never quite was the same again. These are the things that we're talking about, that inform today. It's ayear-old moment that hasn't gone away.
Speaker 1:Right, right, and I mean I think about it. I just I'm thinking of Renee and Heidi, but I'm also thinking of the history of some of our early interactions.
Speaker 2:I heard you reading some Renee and I was like, oh, that's Steven, listen to his energy around that.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just even thinking like I have had a tendency to be a little, just because of my personality, a little standoffish at times or not as engaged when we've been around your family, Like, I think, particularly early on, and I think one of the things that really set the tone is that one of the first times I came to meet your family I got sick.
Speaker 2:Oh, I remember Like emergency room sick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And so I wasn't. I was just a bump on a log, I was not engaged, I was like sick the whole time. And it set this kind of tone of Stephen's going to come see my family and he's going to be disengaged and boring and uninteresting. My whole family is going to be like who's this guy and why does Aaron like him? And that's true.
Speaker 1:We fought about that for some time because I, because I think I was really defensive about it, but I think at the end of the day, I was like, oh, I could see how that happened, I can you know. Kind of I think I got resistant because you're like you're just, you know, you're always so disengaged and, being the stubborn person I am, I'm like okay, fine, Like no, I'm not going to listen to you, no, I'm not going to hear why it feels that way. And we had this fight back and forth until finally we had a breakthrough and now I'm super engaged and just a lot of fun with Aaron's family.
Speaker 1:I would agree with that. But but, like there's a history, there's a history of these conflicts, and so Renee and Heidi have history and this was their history. With this conflict it went back five years, renee and Heidi had the opportunity to move closer to Heidi's family. Renee got this job offer. It was related to the company that she works for and they said hey, do you want to move for this promotion? But Renee and Heidi talked about it and they were like no, we don't think it's the best move for our family. We don't think it's the best move for us. We actually don't think it's the best move for our careers. And they decided to stay in town closer to Renee's family. And Heidi's family was really disappointed, understandably really disappointed about that decision, and Renee and Heidi tried to you know, say we love you, we care about you.
Speaker 1:It has nothing to do with not wanting to be closer to you. We're really disappointed about it too, but it was always. It always kind of the story always felt like it ended up Renee chose her family over Heidi's family, and that's part of the history. Then Renee has talked with Heidi about this and said, hey, I feel like this is kind of how the story shook out. I wish that that wasn't the case. But Heidi has this story too, where she doesn't really want to have any conflict with her parents. She sees her parents as the perfect couple. She doesn't want to see them as being passive or doing anything, anything that might be frustrating or difficult for Renee, and so she just doesn't really pay attention to Renee's frustrations or challenges.
Speaker 2:I think you misspoke Maybe you didn't? I think you just said Heidi doesn't want to have the conversation. That would be upsetting to Renee.
Speaker 1:No to her parents, to her parents, yeah, yeah, so I did misspeak, yes.
Speaker 2:And and it may not be. And so these are the things, because right now the story is, Renee feels like Heidi's parents are having this experience.
Speaker 1:They're having a, they're, they're being passive, they're, they're and they're blaming her, like in a in a sense, for, like you don't want to be with us as much as.
Speaker 2:Right, and what we don't know as much, because I don't think Heidi and Renee know as much. What's the story Heidi's telling? Because at this point all we know is that even there were so many moments where Renee would say like or Heidi, I'm sorry. Heidi would say you know, they know you're going to say no anytime. It's a you verse them moment. Heidi is in a position one heidi shouldn't be in. Heidi doesn't need to be playing interference between her parents versus renee, that's it that's a tough spot yeah, everybody's in.
Speaker 2:No one. No one wants to be in that spot, including Renee. Renee doesn't want to be the one who's saying no to time with Heidi's family. What needs to be addressed is what is Heidi wanting? What is Renee wanting? I loved that Renee asked Heidi like do you want to go there?
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:Because if the system needs to be shaken up and we need to redress how we're spending, holidays.
Speaker 1:You need to stay longer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, let's, let's have that conversation, if. If that's not the conversation, though which I think Heidi ultimately said no, I don't want it to be different.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I'm just struggling to have this conversation. I need, we need, we need to then address that.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So there were some really important moments throughout this where I think it was Renee who said she was dreading this conversation. That's a cue, great cue. What conversations about in-laws are you dreading?
Speaker 1:This holiday season. So, as it's coming up, what do you find that you're like? Oh man.
Speaker 2:Right, and it doesn't actually even have to be in-laws. I can't tell you how many times we say this in our social media community. People are like, oh, it's not my in-laws, it's my family, great Extended. We say this like in our social media community, people are like, oh, it's not my in-laws, it's my family, great extended family who what are the? Conversations. What are the moments? What's that one interaction you're already bracing for right. Talk about it.
Speaker 1:Let's start thinking about what is informing that and so history will repeat itself unless, unless you examine it. And so what is happening here is Renee and Heidi, and I think this is what's really interesting. They have something they need to resolve between themselves.
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure, even internally, even within themselves.
Speaker 1:Right. The issue is how they are having this conflict. I mean, yes, there is a conflict and, yes, maybe there's something to address with Heidi's parents, but really the first place to start is Renee and Heidi need to resolve this history between them.
Speaker 2:And again, I think it's one step further, because it sounds to me like within themselves, like maybe Heidi's sad, maybe she regrets it, maybe she or maybe she doesn't, maybe she has confidence in her decision but she still wishes it would have worked out. And she. While she does want to do New Year's Eve and come back on the 30th with Renee's family, she wishes she could have it both ways.
Speaker 1:Well, or maybe it's just Heidi's uncomfortable with those kinds of conversations. Okay, which, as we're going to kind of go through. Okay, so, what needs to be resolved between Heidi and Renee? How could that happen? We're kind of going to read through a script here and I think you will hear a little bit more about, like what is happening for.
Speaker 1:Heidi, so I'll be Renee. Can you be Heidi in this one, All right, so I'll be Renee. Can can you be Heidi in in this one, All right? So Renee says so. This is this is what it would look like to have that attempt to resolve this history between partners.
Speaker 2:So it can stop, so it can. So it can be different right, so it can be different in the future.
Speaker 1:So Renee says Heidi, I feel like we get caught up in this same conversation every holiday season. I would love to be able to not have to revisit this again and again. Can we try and figure this out?
Speaker 2:Heidi says I don't want to keep having this conversation either. It makes me so uncomfortable and I don't want to be fighting with you.
Speaker 1:Renee, I think the core of this for me is it seems like your parents keep trying to let me know how disappointed they are that we did not move closer.
Speaker 1:I get them feeling disappointed. I was too. I love them. I like being with them, but when they make comments about not getting as much time with us as we get with my family, it feels like a guilt trip. I just want them to know we love them, I love them. We were not trying to play favorites. I was want them to know we love them, I love them. We were not trying to play favorites. I was not trying to play favorites, and I want to feel like you are backing me up.
Speaker 2:Heidi says I am backing you up. I didn't tell them we would stay longer. I didn't say anything about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is Renee. Yeah, and I think that this is the thing. You didn't say anything about it and it feels like if you were backing me up, you would let me know. You would let them know. We love them. We are disappointed that we don't get to see them as much as we get to see my family, and we're not rushing off. We make a lot of effort to be with them during the holidays because we love them. I just feel like they focus on the disappointment and I get the passive comments and you just let it slide.
Speaker 2:Heidi says I get that. I hate having any kind of tension with them. I don't want things to be awkward. I know they're disappointed and they do let little passive comments slide out.
Speaker 1:Renee. Well, can we talk with them or try and be very clear and direct with them about how we feel?
Speaker 2:Heidi, oh no, that makes me feel so stressed.
Speaker 1:Renee, I know it does, but the alternative is that you and I get stressed and get in a fight. I don't want that.
Speaker 2:Heidi, I don't want that either. Okay, we need to sit down and come up with a clear way to talk with them, or even just a one line for me to have ready that lets them know that we love them. But also don't like the passive comments.
Speaker 1:So, yes, does that sound like a perfect conversation? Well, of course it is. It's a case example, but also I I do think that these are the kinds of conversations that you can have with your partner if you address the history of it.
Speaker 1:If you notice what, what renee she said, the history of this for me is, I feel like I'm being mischaracterized. It's like I didn't love your parents and I didn't want to be with them and that I wasn't disappointed. I'm disappointed. I love your parents. I want them to know that and I feel like when they're making these passive comments, it's a total misrepresentation of what happened and that Heidi wasn't backing her up.
Speaker 2:Like those are the core things. Yes, because I think that and this actually is a now about this exactly. No, but like kind of this happens a ton with couples where one partner feels like I made this decision alone. I think that's somewhat what Renee is saying here Sure. I decided this. This wasn't an us decision, this wasn't best for our family, but no, renee didn't want to be close to your parents and that was the decision.
Speaker 1:Which, if you notice, so that's the historical feel of this conflict. And so it happens again. When Renee asked Heidi, do you even want to stay longer? Because again that theme is getting repeated in this, that like, well, I would even want to stay longer, because again that that theme is getting repeated in this, that like, well, you know I would stay longer, but Renee's the one you know we got to get back to her family and it's like no, heidi didn't want to move either, and Heidi doesn't want to stay either, but Renee is the one who feels like I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm getting mischaracterized here.
Speaker 2:And you are letting that happen. You are, you are allowing that old story to repeat itself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that is really hurtful.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's the part that Renee and Heidi needed to resolve between themselves, like Heidi needs to know. This is what it feels like. It feels like you're letting that happen. It feels like you're not backing me up, and I don't like that.
Speaker 2:And then there is a difficult part, because for Heidi so we do learn a little bit more which is she did want to make the decision. They made all that those years ago and she does want to be staying for as long as they're staying. She doesn't want to extend it. It doesn't mean there aren't emotions around that. Those are important. Those are important for Renee to allow I use that word very, very loosely, but sometimes people think that, like if, to say like oh, I wish we could stay longer. You know, I wish we could do both.
Speaker 2:I wish we could stay longer and have more time with my brother and his family, and I wish we could do. Yeah, I wish for both. And a lot of times the Renee's in this story say like don't, don't, introduce a new thing, don't repeat and that's not fair either.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That actually didn't happen here, but I think there's a fear of that.
Speaker 1:But I think if we also think about Heidi's parents right Like they're just disappointed, I think one of the things that can happen here is this can be everyone can feel mischaracterized right.
Speaker 1:So is it cool to let these passive little comments slide? No, absolutely not. But also they're just disappointed that they don't get to see family that they love more, and I think that what Renee was trying to also communicate to Heidi is like I recognize that I see that disappointment. It makes sense. We're disappointed too. I want your parents to know that we care and that I'm disappointed, and it's okay for them to express their disappointment as well. But can we just cut out the guilt trip, passive comments. That's the only thing we're talking about here.
Speaker 2:And then there's actually history for Heidi and her parents here too, which we didn't go into, and that is a whole, probably series of podcasts. But Heidi is not giving her parents the opportunity to respond in a different way. She's assuming that it will go a particular way and, more than likely, heidi's assuming that for good reason. She probably has the data set that says I've tried this, I tried this, that, and they always say this or that or whatever. But the reality is they could respond differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe they don't even know. Maybe they don't even know that those comments are frustrating or make Renee feel guilty. They've never had the conversation, so you don't know.
Speaker 2:Yes, and maybe they would respond bad. Maybe they will respond exactly how Heidi fears they will, but they need to have the opportunity to do that as well, so that that can be addressed.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:This fear Because right now, heidi is just protecting, she is self-protecting and no one is making any progress. Everyone is continuing to be stuck and no one is making any progress. Everyone is continuing to be stuck. And so it has to be directly interacted with so that either they can have the opportunity to stop the negative, passive comments or have exactly the kind of conversation that Heidi worries, but then that gets addressed.
Speaker 2:Hey we love you, we're coming. We're coming because we love you. We want time with you. This is a us decision. Right, we love you, we're coming. Right, we're coming because we love you. We want time with you. This is a us decision.
Speaker 1:Right, right. And that's the thing. How can Renee and Heidi no matter how Heidi's parents would respond or no matter what they say how can they remain a team, how can they remain feeling like, hey, we're together in this, we are not allowing the other to be mischaracterized, whatever it is, and I think, again, that's the initial place to start to resolve the historical pattern of the conflict between you and your partner. And so the idea is like well, how do you do that? And I think what you have- Well, I just think.
Speaker 2:A lot of times couples think that what this means. So I think that the wrong takeaway would be that Heidi needs to have a sit down and very formalized conversation with her parents where she lays out all the passive comments they've ever said that have been hurtful. Right that almost certainly isn't necessary.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that that is what a big fear is Like. I have to tell them how terrible they are and explain every hurtful necessary. Yeah, and I think that that is what a big fear is Like I have to tell them how terrible they are and explain every hurtful thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think on some level, heidi might not even need to say anything Like you. Like you you alluded to, like Heidi was like maybe I just need to have a one liner that communicates.
Speaker 2:I think that that is usually the key.
Speaker 1:Yes and and so like it doesn't have to be a big thing, but again, this all stems out of Renee and Heidi resolving the thing between them. So think about so Aaron said earlier like if there's a conversation or an interaction or something that you find that you're dreading around this time related to your own family or related to your partner's family, that's a good indication of like, hmm, maybe there's a history here that we need to resolve, and so identify that and then try and ask yourself this question what is the history of this conflict? What is the history of this conflict for me? And then your partner should also ask what is the history of this conflict for me?
Speaker 2:And then, what is the history of this conflict for us?
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, like, what does it look like? And then I do think it would be really helpful, after you reflect on that, to try and be very specific, to identify a theme or something. So, like Renee, she identified the theme of I feel like I'm being mischaracterized, I feel like you're not backing me up, I feel like it's kind of getting all put on me. That's the theme.
Speaker 2:I'm the bad guy.
Speaker 1:So that's the history of the conflict that you're reacting to Heidi. What is the theme for her, whatever it might be? So try to be specific about those themes and then ask yourself what do we need to resolve between the two of us before we even consider if we need to resolve anything with our family? That might be enough, as you're saying, and I think here, in Renee and Heidi's case, it would be like if they just if Heidi's like I get it, I see what you're saying, those passive comments come I can say something as simple as oh, mom and dad, we're super disappointed too. We don't get more time, but we've planned around trying to give you as much time as we possibly can because we're so excited about seeing you. We're looking forward to it, Whatever it might be, but I think that is probably all that really would need to happen.
Speaker 2:Agreed. I think that what you said, that when we resolve it here, it very often and not always dissolves the sort of friction there and between us and extended family, because the energy usually isn't there. The energy is here.
Speaker 1:Usually between partners, correct?
Speaker 2:Yes. So I think for Heidi, if she could resolve within herself, like I'm going to make, we statements not like oh, I'll talk to Renee and see what she thinks Right.
Speaker 1:Like because I think for Heidi the shift was for her. I'm being supportive of Renee by not saying anything, right, but really it's more of I can be supportive of Renee by just communicating that you know, renee and I yeah, we.
Speaker 2:We've already discussed this.
Speaker 1:This is the plan that's going to work best.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my gosh, we wish we could stay for the entire month of December. That also doesn't work. There are other things that we would really be missing. This is the best plan. We have already discussed this we, and if there are some things you do want to renegotiate, that's okay too. Like, oh, great idea. I don't know. I'll need to talk with Renee. We'll need to decide what works best for us.
Speaker 2:We'll get back to you. Just those. We comments go a really long way and they begin to make traction with the extended family and if they don't? That's a separate conversation.
Speaker 1:And so, as the holidays near, think about this for you and your partner and, honestly, maybe this is the holiday season where you shift that old, tired, historical conflict that you and your partner keep having into something really new and connective, so that you can X this holiday season as a team. It really can be as simple as what we described.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, and this is really my last thought, and I'm probably what do I say? Beating a broken drum, which isn't the thing.
Speaker 1:I'm a broken record. That's not the saying.
Speaker 2:I'm a broken record here, but there is already so much emotional. I'm a broken record here, but there is already so much emotional mental exhaustion. That happens as soon as December comes, for the majority. I mean. I think I woke up to 46 text messages of my friends saying like one why do we do Elf on the Shelf?
Speaker 1:Two, whatever all these things.
Speaker 2:But we don't need this sort of dark cloud boulder on our back. That's like this other thing.
Speaker 1:We don't need it.
Speaker 2:So this year, I think, let it be the year where you say we're not doing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to stay connected with my partner. I'm not going to add relational disconnection to the burden of this season.
Speaker 2:We are not going to let the relational burden that wants to add to ourselves. No, we can do this a different way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So this holiday season, may you feel resolved and connected as partners by going through this simple process it's a simple process, but it does take some reflection and time of knowing the history of the conflict, identifying the specific themes that come up and then resolving those themes between you and your partner by I think, at the very least by just feeling like I hear you, I understand you, I'm going to support you in this, I'll be on your team. Hey everyone, we're Stephen and Erin Mitchell, co-founders of Couples Counseling for Parents and creators of the Relationship Reconnection Series inside of our Partnerhood Membership.
Speaker 2:We created this series because, as parents, we know how hard it can be to keep the connection strong while juggling everything else. It's easy to get stuck in old patterns, especially when stress, in-laws or the mental load get in the way.
Speaker 1:This series isn't just about solving the fights you're having today. It's about digging deeper, starting with you. We start by helping you reflect on your own attachment style, family makeup and the stories in your life that have made you who you are and inform the kind of relationships you have. When you understand yourself better, you can show up more engaged in your couple relationship.
Speaker 2:And from there we guide you to explore your relationship story with your partner. This isn't about blame. It's about seeing what shaped your relationship dynamic and couple story so you can maintain what is working and start rewriting a new story in the areas that aren't. Once you've done that work, we dive into the real life challenges parenting, stress, dealing with in-laws and sharing the mental load at home.
Speaker 1:Each workshop in this series is designed to be a short, practical, step-by-step guide, giving you and your partner the insights and tools to reconnect in a meaningful way. Think of it as a reset button, not just to solve problems, but to build the kind of partnership you really want.
Speaker 2:Whether you're feeling distant, overwhelmed or just need a new way to communicate, this series is the first step in building the connection you deserve.
Speaker 1:If this sounds like something you need, we'd love to have you join us in partnerhood. Today's show was produced by Sarah Kuhn, stephen Mitchell and Aaron Mitchell. If you're enjoying the podcast, please hit the follow button and leave us a rating. This helps our content become more visible to others who might enjoy it, and it lets us know how we can keep improving the show. And, as always, we're grateful for you listening.